How to help your teen get ready for university…
If your teen is starting university or college this autumn you will be starting to get ready for the move. You, your family and teen will all be feeling nervous about the change. I remember the euphoria of exam results, then the realisation they’ll be off before you know it and all of a sudden the child you have spent 18 years keeping safe, you now have to let go. It can either feel like they are deserting you forever without a backward glance or you could be looking forward to the new freedom; either way it is a huge transition for you all. Your teen may be excited but be worrying they may not ‘fit in’ or may struggle to make friends. You may be worrying about them leaving, how will they manage or look after themselves and deal with all that change a long way from home. You may even remember having similar feelings yourself, I know I do. I remember a beautiful early October morning, my dad driving me to Hull University and seeing the Humber Bridge for the first time, I was so excited but quite terrified.
It is important to remember everything you and your teen are thinking and feeling is perfectly normal. There is a very good chance their fellow students and parents are all just as nervous and having the exactly same thoughts and worries as you. I know I did and still do, as my eldest has just left for the US, I don’t see the 28 year old confident young man excited about a new adventure, I have this image of him heading off for his first day at primary school? Feels like yesterday. But just like starting school there are ways you can help them at this time of change before they leave and help you both prepare for the transition.
Try to visit the university before they go, whether an open day or a separate visit it will make you feel familiar
Make sure they can do household tasks. Can they cook the basics, work the washing machine? Not to say they will do either, be prepared for lots of washing on their return but at least you will feel better
Help them with budgeting and finances, help them work out how much things cost and work out a budget. Have they opened a student bank account, do they have a railcard to get home if they need to
Encourage them to read all the information sent out not only to help them feel more confident when they arrive but to give them an idea of clubs and social activities. Get them excited for freshers week
Reassure friends they make initially may not be the friends they spend time with throughout their course and talk to them about realistic expectations of their first few weeks. There will be challenges but you are at the end of a phone if they need to chat
Discuss ways in which you can communicate, they can be busy in the first few weeks if they are not great on the phone, stay in touch on social media. Try to stay calm and upbeat even if you don’t hear much from them ( I know not easy when worried)
Help them prepare with everything they need, it can be a time of excitement and you’ll both feel better if you know they have everything. This worked for me, nothing like a trip to Ikea
Have a safety talk, simple things like getting in licensed taxis, watching their drinks, walking home
Just be there when they need you but try to remember they are adults and they need to find out for themselves what a wonderful opportunities are out there. They will make mistakes but giving them space to do so will help them grow
Most importantly don’t forget about you, a child leaving whether temporarily or ‘flying the nest’ is an emotional time for any parent and can have a huge impact on your life. Try to focus on the positives, enjoy the extra time, take up a new hobby, enjoy having the extra space. Many parents find their relationships improve with their children and they get to spend more quality time together when they return. Remember no matter how much they act like they don’t need you, they always do. And as you wave them off or leave, have a box of tissues at the ready, I have sat in their empty bedrooms and cried all the way home but they will be back before you know it.
If they do struggle then encourage them to speak to someone sooner rather than later, most universities now have good support and counselling systems. If you are still worried seek some professional help.
